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How I got to this point
I am a 62 year old woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder, in Autistic burnout with Chronic C-PTSD living without support systems.
Autistic Burnout Explained by Kathleen Duncan, LMFT
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I am an Ex-Evangelical, my life burned to the ground from human connections who isolated me over years and systematically obliterated financial security. My former church, Christians, friends, colleagues, and ministries which I served for 20+ years left me with nothing in divorce. That is right, zero (my ex husband is a millionaire).
DARVO - Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender
I have no family support. The people that adopted me as an infant were so abusive in my childhood which is how I developed DID which occurs before age 9. Around 2017 autistic masking collapsed and by 2018 I had become unable to function. I asked for two things 1) safety and 2) support. I was left with neither. In fact, Deborah Metroka kept insisting I "get a job." She somehow missed Psych 101 on safety and stability to establish functioning. I was ALWAYS on a quest to work alone reading and writing which is what I intended to with my psychology degree. Christians sabotaged that goal twice preventing me from autonomy and creating an ideal work situation for myself I intrinsically knew I needed.
Judith Herman’s three stages of recovery from severe trauma
My adult daughters are equally affected by long term abuse that Harvest Bible Chapel, Baptist General Conference (Converge Worldwide), and The Evangelical Alliance Mission were all aware of, ignored, enabled, and disregarded which meant my children were unsafe. I have found documentation in the last few weeks of what I believe is severe abuse of my daughters that professionals documented but did not act on, that I am trying to piece together for my blog.
My daughters and I had no escape because Harvest Bible Chapel, Rolling Meadows and Crystal Lake, IL gave Karl full financial control in 2003 to "learn to be godly." I was told to submit and obey so Karl would control his anger better. Instead, Karl's rage escalated over 18 years to the point that I attempted suicide as the only means of escape in November 2019. I have found 1000's with my same story of the Evangelical Church of Abuse of Women and Children Enabled by Sheep.
Uncovering the Truth Behind High Rates of Suicide in Autistic People
Exploring Thoughts of Suicide: a Response to Tough Times
The Impact of Loneliness on Autistic People
Exploring Loneliness and Suicidality In the Neurodivergent Community
Supporting Suicide Prevention in Hospital Settings
Autism is NOT “just a difference (six times more likely to attempt suicide than Neurotypicals)
This Manifesto of destruction of women and children was the cornerstone of Harvest Bible Chapel. Women's bible study were traps that kept abused women in abusive situations. 98 Ways Women Can Sin Against their Husbands–Without Knowing It.
I had NO idea what Karl was, that my friends were not my friends, and my associates were frauds. I could not understand the escalating abuse following suicide and how Karl became the victim.
A NARCISSIST EXPLAINS: RELIGION AN NARCISSISM. HOW A NARCISSIST COULD USE YOUR RELIGION AGAINST YOU
My former therapist, Deborah Metroka, LCPC, (Algonquin, IL) was suspiciously chosen for me while I was in the hospital dealing with fall out from suicide by my former boss from The Evangelical Alliance Mission, Steve Edlin, MA, LCPC, MFT (missionary) of Still Waters Missionary Retreat Center in Buchanan, Michigan.
Deborah Metroka should not be counseling people recovering from a hang nail, let alone trauma and abuse. Apparently an adult raging toddler man is normal behavior but my reaction to his abuse was abnormal. The same for Linda Pietrzak Ross who could not understand the overwhelm of being screamed at, losing security, changes rapidly occurring, until finally losing everything. Linda stated two years in to asking for help that “I tend to punish anyone who tries to help.” It is because of Linda I lost trust in people and the world which became incredibly unsafe. I once thought her the most trustworthy in the world, completely incapable of harm. She left too much evidence to refute a well crafted façade that says otherwise.
Metroka's clinical notes have been seen throughout the world by her colleagues and some are using them to expose the mental health field of abuse and victimizing victims. How Metroka missed DID and autism makes her double incompetent. She is known as the “re-framer” by one of them for her gift of invalidating and gaslighting me, including an entry where I told her "Karl was drunk and mean" that she responded "gently" that I told her Karl was being nice. This was ten months into seeing her and I was done after that.
Deborah Metroka noted domestic violence in clinical notes, acknowledged worst child trauma in her career, then enabled and ignored Karl's ongoing abuse including meeting with him behind my back to involuntarily commit me which an entire staff at a hospital appears to have thwarted.
Another therapist noted 16 APA Ethics Violations, including allowing Dr. Ben Gesing, PsyD of LivingRite in Algonquin, IL (Karl's former therapist) to make decisions about me, and find referrals for "reality testing" without ever meeting me. He is known as “Osmosis Doctor.” I sent him evidence of Karl's abuse and cheating via email that he ignored for 3 plus months. I have hundreds of pages of documentation to refute him.
December 20, 2020 audio recording of Deborah Metroka cowering as I confronted her about her clinical notes after firing her months earlier.
Steve Edlin was recorded stating in writing that "I am lucky Karl puts up with me and I should be grateful Karl gives me a home, food, and heat."
WCCC is Willow Creek Community Church in Barrington, IL
I worked for Steve at The Evangelical Alliance Mission from 2003 to 2009. I am positive Steve was aware of DID and Autism and took advantage. He found a people pleasing co-dependent which he said makes the best assistant. He was keenly aware of domestic violence. His response was to dig my abusive husband out of a hole of a DUI's and an invalid suspended and revoked driver's license. Once that was fixed, Karl became filled with rage toward my daughters and me. Steve did NOTHING TO HELP MAKE MY GIRLS AND ME SAFE, nor did Linda Ross or Pastor David Jones. None of them confronted Karl EVER. Steve Edlin and David Jones were REQUIRED BY LAW TO REPORT THIS TO DCFS NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSED!
May 29, 2020 Karl Ulrich screaming at me (I have 100's of hours of audio recordings).
These recordings were ignored by professionals, cops, mental health, and worst of all my former friend, Linda who directly assisted in keeping my girls and me trapped.
Linda and every other woman from HBC made my children and me the problem. If we fixed ourselves, Karl would act better. I was caught in a mine field of gaslighting, manipulation, and inability to rise above the deep waters as my daughters and I drowned.
May 11, 2020 Karl Ulrich, Algonquin, IL sharing his true feelings about my daughters whom cops, therapists, and Christians ignored. The saddest part of this audio is that Karl love bombed my children into thinking he was a great dad and would make a great step dad. Christine was 7 years old when she asked him if he would be her dad. He proposed to me about a week later. The day of our wedding he drastically changed from love bomb to rage, attacking my oldest daughter Jackie first.
Without safety, I have been unable to break from memory loss and executive functioning deficits from C-PTSD from long term domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. I went from Executive Administrative Assistant to barely functioning.
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I mentioned that I have dissociative identity disorder that went undiagnosed for 57 years. I am the only person in the world that I know of with no support systems. The support I thought I did have with my Christian friends, Christian husband, Christian therapists, and Christian church were all predatory in nature and took advantage of memory gaps to annihilate me in court during divorce.
Narcissistic Altruism: Scheming Do-Gooders Who Prey On The Needy
I share my story for others to learn to prevent them from experiencing profound soul murder and isolation that occurs due to a life time of abuse and betrayal trauma.
It is increasingly difficult as I reached the end of the end of my finances. I sold my car in 2022 which trapped me where I am.
I should never have needed disability. I was not able to acquire disability because of a series of dirty therapists who did not submit paperwork on time or at all. My blog has documentation of this. This is known as Institutional Abuse or Betrayal Trauma.
I was 18 classes from a Master's degree in psychology with a 3.9 GPA at Crown College I was never able to finish due to a controlling, abusive husband, and narcissistic former friend, loyal to my abusive husband, and a host of "professional" people in mental health sabotaged my ability to receive disability.
My student loans went into default due to inability to finish school or have a means to pay them back which eliminates all government programs as a means of help. That is the reality of covert, psychopathic, narcissistic abuse and their army of enablers whose agenda is soul murder leading to suicide, homicide through homelessness, poverty, through isolation.
I appreciate financial contributions to my account and for kindness from strangers. I cannot remember when I last felt safe, if ever. I cannot think of anyone who was ever a friend, more like opportunists looking for easy narcissistic food. I don't see red flags and I don't have the ability to protect myself from danger so I isolate while living in unrelenting fear of minute of every day.
Why Does Autism Cause YOU Fear?
I very much feel invisible. I think my trauma was always apparent. I thought a world with 3 billion Christians would make all of us safer, fed, homed, loved, and cared for. At 62, I can say that I was never loved and I never had a real friend. I always wished for both.
If You Grew Up Feeling Invisible